Kelly

It's been such a long time since I've updated. I've been guilty of such large gaps of time lately. i'm not stressing, though - i still have my actual journal at home. Why do I feel the need to document my life all over the place? - Journals, online journals, random pages in notebooks. I'm easily amused, I suppose, or I just get bored real easily.

But, that's besides the point.

So, summer is pretty much here, and I just feel like so much is happening. The last time I updated was in April. I feel like I can't even remember that far back.

Kristin and I have been working on the house in Brick. We have done major cleaning jobs in every room, major landscaping, and all the while fighting my uncle for it. He is just so irritating. We try to clean and make the house look nice, make it look the way it used to, and he hates it. I've never met anyone in my entire like who hates a clean house as much as he does. It's really warped.

Work is good, same old same old.

Phil and I are really excited about our trip. I really can't wait. He's leaving soon, on July 9. He'll be gone for about two-three weeks, and then I'm shipping over!

Before I leave for Europe, though, is the party! July 11th, 205 Cartagena Drive in Brick. This is the party my sister and I have been planning and cleaning and preparing for all summer.
This weekend we are finally going to be painting the downstairs bathroom. I can't wait until that's finished. After that, I just have to buy a volleyball net, my brothers getting horseshoes, and my sister bought the dart board. We're going to have bocce ball and a huge game of tug-o-war, plus boat rides, food, drinks, music...the works.

I really hope it turns out OK. I hope it doesn't rain.

So...more exciting news from Kelly-world: Iove lost 18 POUNDS since March!! I feel so incredibly amazing. This is really the thinnest I've been since my early highschool years. I started out at 163 and I'm down to 147. I really don't even remember the last time I saw 147 on a scale. Even the fact that I'm saying my weight is awesome for me. In all, I've lost about 40 pounds. At my heaviest ever, I was 180, which was just so embarassing. I remember stepping on a scale and seeing how close I was to 200 lbs and just panicking. So, in about 2007, I was able to come down from 180, and now I'm feeling amazing at 147. I'm still going, too. I don't want to be any thinner than 140, because then I would lose every (good) curve I have. I don't want that, I think staying within the range of like 140-147 is a good range for me. I don't want to be too skinny because I don't think I would look good like that. I like having my curves still. We'll see where I am by the party!

What else, what else...my cousin Lauren and I want to go sky-diving again this year. We went last year, in like..September? I think? Sometime around there. We're thinking of going again. I would like to go when I get back from my trip.
I would also like to plan a white water rafting trip. Again, this stuff wouldn't go down until August, but I feel like that's right around the corner. Plus, I'll be gone for over two weeks, so I would have to get on that as soon as I get home.

If anyone is interested in sky-diving or white water rafting, let me know.

Alrighty well, here we are...another rainy-ass SAturday. Ugh, what a waste of my day off. I'm sure I can find something to do. Phil is still sleeping next to me. He's such a cutie when he sleeps :o)

I should get going - i'll try to update again soon.

Until next time ♥

Mosaic

Day 1:

Day 2:

Day 3:

Go over to Wikipedia and enter your birth date and then pick 3 events, 2 births and 1 holiday that occurred on the day of your birthday.

_January 13_

Events

1. 1938 - The Church of England accepts the theory of evolution. (wooo hoooo! as should everyone else)

2. 1559 - Elizabeth I crowned queen of England in Westminster Abbey, London (1/13 is a day for famous women, what can i say?)

3. 1968 - Johnny Cash performs live at Folsom Prison (and a day for good times)

Births

1. 1961 - Julia Louis-Dreyfus, American actress (i love her)

2. 1983 - William Hung, American Idol contestant (YES! wow, i can't believe he's only 25)

(there were no good holidays, so i opted for a death)
Death

1. 1599 - Edmund Spenser, English poet (b. 1552) (he is the author of the poem where i got the quote for Phil's journal, the one that has a special meaning between the two of us:
To Die in Dust,
But You Shall Live By Fame,
And In the Heavens
Write Your Glorious Name
(it's only a little excerpt, but i love it)

ahhh, what a nice waste of time.

i'm off to shower for the shower (the wit astounds me sometimes, too.)

ahh, yes...my favorite kind of down time...livejournal updates :o)

so let's see...don't remember what i last updated about, so i'll just ramble.

phil and i are doing extraordinarily well. I am really happy with him and things are great. Soon he's going to be moving out and into a house in woodbridge with his cousin, which is great news because he'll be closer to me and it'll finally be his own place(kind of), and i'll be there with him a lot, and we're gonna get a kitten! wooooo hoooo :o) i think im most excited about the kitten.
it'll be nice to be able to set up the place and decorate it and finally have a place to go that's kind of like ours, you know? i won't feel like i'm intruding as much and it gets me excited for the future as well. It's a big step and i'm definitely stoked :o)
I'm going on vacation in May!!! Since I didn't go to portugal last summer, i had like $990 credit for continental airlines. Sooooo, me, phil, kristin, and mike are gonna go on vacation to the bahamas together! i'm really excited. I am able to buy three tickets with my credit and we're gonna stay in this really awesome hotel right on the beach. we're gonna go from the 28th to the 31st and i really can't wait. i need to get outta jersey in the worst way and i think it'll be a lot of fun.
let's see what else...work's alright, school's the same. I need to find a job closer to me, though. Driving out to Livingston all the time is a pain in the ass and i would love to find a job in woodbridge or red bank and or somewhere closer to home. Gas is a bitch and so is the commute.

I'm definitely missing all of my friends. I have no time to do anything anymore, so i havent been able to see anybody besides phil, kristin, mike, or my brother. i really miss all of my friends and havent been able to see anyone in the longest time. i can't even tell you the last time i hung out was, maybe my birthday? pathetic...i know.

blah, so anyway, i'm just waiting for book and magazine editing, which isn't until 6, but at least i get internet access.

don't feel like writing much more. think i'll go play some bejeweled.

Until next time, my loves <3

my mother and my sister are probably the BIGGEST influences in my life, and i don't think i would be half the person i am without them. i love them so much.

i just feel like i had to write that out.
much love everyone...
pleasant dreams & i love you much :o)

today's is phil's birthday. we're keeping it a chill day.

i got one of the jobs i was going for!!! wooo hoooo

im pretty excited. i landed the receptionist job at the home furnishings place, which is awesome. As far as i know right now it's only on the weekends, but i talked to the guy today and he wanted to know my availability so we could set up a schedule. hopefully it's more than the weekend. but im excited...now i get to wear nice clothes and make myselp up for work instead of wearing a stupid uniform, wearing a nametag, smelling like food, asking customers if they want french fries or bake potatoes, and basically hating my life. THANK GOD!!!!!
i was pretty excited when the guy called me. i started doin the pee wee herman dance in an instrument store with phil. i was pretty stoked.
i also went on an interview today at a law firm in new providence. it was one of the hardest interviews i ever went on. it was pretty intense and they ask you a whooole mess of questions. i did an awesome job, though and handled it well. depending on what my schedule will be with the new job, if i get the job at the law firm, maybe i could work that on the weekdays and bang out the receptionist position on the weekends. the receptionist position pays $12 an hour, and im not sure how much the other one pays. we shall see.
if i get it, i dont know if i'll even be able to take it. the law firm job definitely seems a little harder. im not only an administrative assistant for the firm itself, but i'm also sort of a "personal assistant" for the main attorney. the people interviewing me told me id have to go to the store for him, maintain his datebook, plan vacations for him and his family...it seemed a little much. but, i mean..this was before i got the job as the receptionist, so i was desperate for anything. we'll see what happens, though. if the receptionist job is only on the weekends, and i happen to land the law firm job...i'll take both.
desperate times call for desperate measures.

so yeah..phil's birthday. definitely keeping it a chill, relaxing day. he liked his presents. lets see, we didnt do much..i woke up before him to go to my interview, came back and he was awake and we went for some coffee and browsed barnes and noble(he's a man after my own heart), came home, lounged around and then his friend pez came over. we went to hollywood video and rented good luck chuck, which we couldnt even get through it was so horrible...pez went home, and now phil's doing some writing on his laptop and i decided to update on the exciting news of new jobs and birthdays! woop woop

skipped class today...which is bad...but wutever. class again tomorrow, then two days to babysit, then i train saturday morning! woooo hoooo. im excited. i hope i do well and like it.
i figure i really need a change, you know. something different. i've been working in restaurants since i was 16 and i really need to do something else. especially something that gains me experience in an office environment.
wooooo hooooooo.

so yeah...thats about it for now. i'm sure there's more i could talk about, but i dont really feel like it. im off to do some more contructive things. possibly work on some stories...possibly waste my time on internet smut hehehehe.
whatever i choose to do..i bid thee farewell, my loves ♥

until next time.....

i feel like i have a lot i should update about.
maybe it's just me, but i feel like i havent been updated in a long time. oh well, dont have much time, but i'll try.

i dont rememebr the last time i updated. i dont even know where to start....
well, i quit the office, but i think i already said that. STILL havent found a job. so basically i am a waste of life with no job. i dont know how people dont work. i cant. i NEED a job. i have no money to do anything, and it stresses me out.
but wutevs, went on an interview the other day and i'm about 75% sure i got the job, but i'm not definite. i'd be a receptionist for a home furnishing company, which is sweet cause id get to dress pretty and answer phones for $12 an hour. pretty sweet.
if not, i have an interview tomorrow at a law firm, and if not that, then i've also got an interview at applebee's (boo). i really dont want to work at restaurants anymore. im so done with the food industry. i cant take it anymore.

but onto bigger and better things...
tomorrow is phil's birthday. im happy with the gifts i got him. i bought him a subscription to marvel comics ultimate spiderman, cause he's a comic book nerd, also renewed his subscription to playboy. bought him a real movie poster of "from dusk till dawn", cause its one of his fav movies, and it was a cool poster. aaaaand, for the biggie, i bought two tickets to see george carlin at the borgata. he's one of our fav. comedians and im excited to go also.

lets seee.....
yesterday was the superbowl which was superBORING (god im so witty). me n kris left my brother's house early and hung out at her house, superbowl-free. phil came over and we hung out a lil. we finally finished watching the first season of lost. we're goin the DVD route, which is SOOO much better...no commercials, no waiting till next week to find out the cliffhanger. i dont know why everyone doesn't do that?

uhm...lets see...what else has been going on?
school started back up again. it's pretty cool. my classes are alright..i've got enviromental science(which counts for 4 lab credits and is a BREEZE so far), media criticism (which is alright), book & magazine editing (which is gonna be super-helpful and i really like it so far), American Lit from 1865-1914 (which is ehhh..the subject matter's interesting, but the class is long and the professor is only marginal), and last i have Intro to women's studies (so easy, we basically sit around and discuss feminism)
so yeah...all in all, the classes are alright. nothing to spectacular this semester, but that's not a big surprise.

hmmm...what else can i talk about...
i dont really even know. when i try to think of things to write about, my mind just gets flooded with all the stress in my life from the debt i am currently accumulating from not having a job. all the books i had to buy this semester have been crazy expensive, and it's KILLING me. i cant wait to just get a job again.
ideally...i would get the weekend receptionist job at the home furnishings place, AND land the job im interviewing for tomorrow as the administrative assistant at the law firm. therefore i'd have two jobs, one to work at during the week(which also eliminates babysitting), and a job on the weekends that i'd most likely be out of no later then 6pm. that'd be sweet. i could pay off my debt, and also save up for my the $700 im gonna owe in may for my uncle's life insurance. life would be sweet. i'd have NO free time AT ALL, but i mean...i can deal for a little while. just until i get myself back on my feet. my credit card debt is getting deep, and i refuse to let myself sink any lower. if it means working 7 days a week, then so be it. i just need to stabilize myself, ya know?
ahhhh..but anyway..i dont really want to think about that stuff anymore. i have been stressing myself out to no end about it, and i just need to sweep it out of my mind for a little bit.

alrighty, well..i think ive updated on basically all i needed to update about. i can't think of much else.

until next time, my loves!

♥

Yeah, so, I feel like so much has happened in the past week or so.

First off, my birthday weekend was awesome. 2008 is definitely unfolding better than 07. Went to Cheesecake factory with my family friday night, then hung out and slept at phil's. Saturday went down to seaside and hung out with katie, jess, liana, lauren, carrie, megan, and phil tagged along also. It was so much fun. We started off the night at Sawmill in Seaside and then made our way to Capt. Hook's. I had such an awesome time with awesome people ♥ it was great to see the brick ladies. i really do love those girls, they are too much fun and i missed hanging out with them.
so yeah, i got pretty smashed that night lol, which is typical for my birthday weekend. Slept at phil's, woke up with a wicked hangover, but it was alright, cause he got me an awesome present. First he shows up with a whole "birthday princess" set which had a crown, a sash that said "birthday girl", fake diamond earrings, and a wand..haha. the crown barely fit me cause it was for little girls, but i wore that thing all day. Then he broke out the real gift, which was a jewelry box with an engraving on the front that read, "Kelly, I'll always love you. Phil", and inside was a BEAUTIFUL silver bracelet with hearts on it. I love it, it's gorgeous.
So then, we drove to my brother's..got to say hi to everyone, kristin and mike came down and were watching football. Then, one of the highlights of the day...phil and i drove down to SONIC! omg, it was as amazing as I thought it would be. It was DEFINITELY worth the trip down there. YUM!
drove home, and then went to go see "The Orphanage", which was SOOOO scary! omg, seriously awesome movie, definitely worth a watch. for those bilingually-challenged, like myself, it was all in spanish (but with subtitles) and wasn't distracting, it actually definitely added to the movie. I think it was from the same people who made "Pan's Labyrinth" and for those who have seen it, you know it's awesome. This movie is "this year's pan's labyrinth" and totally worth a watch, it was pretty effin scary.
so after that, went back to phil's and slept over again.
so yeah...the birthday weekend was really great.

now...onto the changes in my life. I quit the office, FINALLY. Rob came back to manage, and i know that i can't work there and be with phil. not only would i feel weird, but i know he wouldn't like it, and it would just cause problems in our relationship. So, today i went on an interview, like a REAL one...
it was pretty nerve-racking. I got all dressed up in my "business woman" attire haha, had my resumes, sat in a conference room with these two guys, and i think i did really well. I've come to find I work well under pressure and was more well-spoken then i thought i was going to be. I thought i was going to be stuttering and forgetting words like i do sometimes when im nervous, but i finally started to feed off my nervousness and really took control of the moment. I dont know if the jobs in the bag, but it was my first official interview in the "real world", and i'm very impressed with myself :o)
i have another interview tomorrow at a NJ Savvy Living Magazine. The job's only for like a typist and clerical work, but it would be good since it would be experience in publishing, which is what i'm looking for, ya know? The place i went to today, Condor Capital, is a financial business, which is good for office experience, but in the whole scheme of what i'd like my career to be, it's not exactly what i want to be doing. it was pretty awesome, though because the guys i was interviewing with said that if i was to get the job, they would give me more than just receptionist duties (which was what the job was for, originially). They would try to integrate my into this investment planning group and one of my main jobs would be to help with their business proposal writing. They said they were in desperate need of good writers, so along with administrative assistant duties, they would integrate me into that, which would be really awesome and great on a resume.

so yeah...thats about it. also, i think my brother and sister-in-law are moving to like the border of middletown and red bank, which means i would probably be moving also. that's pretty exciting. the house is way bigger than the one we're in now, and i think i'd actually get a room with a door and everything! haha, good enough for me :o)

sigh, so yeah, i'm at phil's now, and we're probably going to run over to barnes & noble soon to just browse. good times good times.

think i've rambled enough for now.

until next time, my loves...

♥

so 2008 is starting out great.
spent new years with phil at his house. his parents were there. it was really nice. dont really have the money to go out and waste on over-priced drinks. it was great, we spent the night talking in his bed, slept well, and spent the next day together. i really feel like i've left all that weight from last year in 2007. i havent thought about anything, i havent stressed myself out. it's been great.
got to hang out with katie! it was great, went down to manahawkin, saw the megans and some of katie's friends, and the highlight of the night..watching ENOUGH! haha. it was great seein (some) of the brick ladies. sometimes it feels like a whole nother life, ya know? i love seein them. katie is forever making me laugh out loud, and it's always such a good time.
hung out with amanda, chris, mauro, daniele, and phil last night. we started the night off at houlihans with daniele's soccer team. then chris and mauro showed up. had some delicious extra dirty martini's. yummers. then moved the party over to amanda's house and phil came over after he got outta work. we played some awesomely intense games of taboo, my teams won in all the games cause im awesome like that haha. a lot of inside jokes last night - "ok, hitchhikers sometimes hold the sign, san francisco or "blank?" "san francisco or blow your load!"; "ok, take the word fuzz and change the vowel" "buzz?"; "coca-sprite? coca-pepsi?"
it was really fun. stayed till like 4, came back to kristins and passed out.
sooo today is my holiday party at work. dont really want to go, but i prolly will. free food and such.

my birthday is in ONE WEEK!
chris and amanda wanna take me out, so i'll try to do that. hopefully i'll get to do something with family, and of course phil and i are gonna do something.

there's still so many people i need to see. my miss monique lazo is number one on that list. more brick ladies, ash, more fam, and i definitely need to get a new job, and send more resumes and such out for the internships.

i have high hopes for 2008 :o)

until next time, loves ♥

ohhh boy...so im at school yesterday, went to my critical writing class, started feeling sick. figured it was just because i hadnt eaten all day and i had a small bag of peanuts. so, i have a little meeting with my professor and then haul ass outta there.
on the way home, my stomach is a wreck.
i get home and see that everyone else in the house is sick also. about an hour after i get home, i start getting sick. it was horrible. me, brian, & char were in and out of the bathroom all night, all of us sick as DOGS. ugh, it was horrrrrible.

so, today, i spent the entire day in my room watching movies, eating saltines & ginger ale, and napping. so, basically being an absolute waste.

but im feeling a lot better, and im excited to be able to get out of this house cause cabin fever is definitely setting in. wish the weather wasn't so shitty so i could go somewhere. oh well.

so, the rest of my night seems like it's just gonna be more tv, movies, and i'll prolly watch "perez sez" tonight @ 10 cause im a sucker like that.

adieu ♥

ps- my birthday is in exactly ONE month :o)

so, another day at school. at least today is the last day of classes. i just feel like it's not ending nearly quick enough.
i feel like i have so much to do, and so much weighing on my right now. I hate this feeling. And the worst part is, there really isn't THAT much, you know?
i just feel really out of control, and i hate that feeling. I have no money, and i'm trying to find another job to help me out in that department, but it's just not going well.
I never see my friends anymore, and it sucks so bad. i wish i could, but it's hard. i never have free time, and when i do, i dont feel like driving an hour away. it sucks.
living with my brother, and having to bounce between his and my sister's house is definitely taking it's toll on me. i can't stand it anymore, i want out. i know its great that they're helping me and i dont have to pay rent or anything, but all the driving and all the bullshit really isn't worth it.
phil and i are alright, i guess. i've just been completely out of control with bad thoughts more often lately. he doesn't know about this, and i've been hiding it really well, but i just can't ever seem to shake the feeling of impending doom for our relationship. no matter how hard i want to concentrate on the good, which there is a lot of, my mind always drifts back to what he did, those other girls, and how capable he is of doing it again. I realize that this is me and my insecurities, and he's trying his best, i know he is. It's just me and my mind and how it betrays me literally everyday.
i wish i could find a way to really get over everything, but it seems like the farther back into the relationship we get, the worse my thoughts get. It's literally like every single day i reflect back on everything, and make these scenarios in my head of all the things he did that i didn't even know about.
i really feel like a crazy person. it's horrible, and i know it's not doing anything but hurting ME. i wish i could just get over it, but i can't, and sometimes i really think that that's what's going to get in the way between us.
blah.
i just want winter break to come so i can finally have some time to myself. the only free full day i have is sunday, and i can't get anything done on sundays.
i feel constantly on edge. Like, i'm always this close to exploding on someone, and i know that if such a situation was to arise, i probably would.
i just want school to end, and i want to go home and go to sleep. sleep is the only escape i have right now from the bullshit of real life. how depressing.

let me try to keep my thoughts positive...
hmm..
went xmas shopping yesterday, bought gifts for my uncle for the xmas party, so thats out of the way, thankfully. I'm done with mike, kristin, half of the baby's presents, and some of phil's. That's another thing, i know he's got like zero money right now (even tho he continues to sleep in everyday till 12..ugh you dont know how that bothers me, but ANYWAY...), so i dont even know if im getting anything from him. isn't that kind of shitty. i mean, i understand neither of us really have the means to buy nice gifts for eachother, but at least i'm out and getting him little things. i told him i didnt really expect anything, but in a way, i do, ya know? he's never really gone out of his way to get me anything out of the ordinary. nothing extravagant or anything i can really show off. it sucks, but it's my own fault, i guess. if i wanted a boyfriend who'd buy me shit, i would've stayed with mark, but i chose someone i really care about, so i guess i shouuld stop bitching. but i just wish he would go above and beyond and do something that's just like, awesome, ya know? he used to when we first started dating, like with the hotel room with the flowers and candles, and all these meaningful little things he used to make for me. now, we just kind of drift along, taking advantage of the fact we're back together...AHHH
i've gone back into negative mode..lol..i can't stop!
alright, let me try to focus on something good again...ummm....
my birthday's coming up. but that isn't all that great, so next topic...
ummm
i got an A on my english term paper, which is cool.
hmm
uhhh, i'm doing kinda sorta alright on my diet. at this time last year, i was a good 20 lbs heavier. not that im really exercising like i used to, but i'm kiiind of eating better. i could stand to lose another 20, and then i'd be in the best shape of my life. that happening is kind of doubtful, but i have high hopes for 2008, so i think i could make it happen.
i am happy to be with phil again. i know that most of the time i focus on all the bad, probably a little too much, too, but really overall, i love him so much. i need to focus on that a lot more. got to sleep over his house last night. i love sleeping with him, i really get the best nights sleep in his bed, with him. the mornings are the best when you can just roll over and he's right there, all warm, and he has these reactions, hehe, they're actually really cute. he'll be dead asleep, and if i like go near him, or put my arm over him, he automatically holds me really really tight like a teddy bear. lol, thinking about it is making me chuckle out loud a little bit, it's so cute.
that's my mission for the day today. i have to focus and talk about every good thing in my life. it really does make me feel better. it's the little things in life that bring smiles to our faces, ya know? it's really easy to focus on things that bring us down and make us mad and then dwell on them and take it out on other people. but, i'm going to think of the little things from now on. just talking about phil's little sleeping habit made me a lot happier.
thinking about driving home and having all of my favorite songs on my ipod while i drive makes me happy.
even walking to and from class and taking in the day makes me happy.
i have to stop being so negative, it's really bringing me down. if i dont like something about my life, complaining about it isn't going to help. i have to change it myself.

aaaalrighty, well i think i've ranted enough, and i did lighten my mood. that's all that matters, right? being happy and just enjoying little things and life in general.

hope everyone finds some kind of little happiness in their lives today. everything isn't so bad. sometimes we just need to be reminded.